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By Loving Her, He Loves a Little Part of Me

on April 17 | in Parenting | by | with 8 Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it might be like to have a son. We both have a sense this baby is a boy. If we’re wrong and it’s a girl we will be thrilled. We both want another girl at some point. Still, we think it’s a boy.

What Do You Do with a Boy?

It kind of freaks me out. I don’t know anything about boys. I’m afraid I won’t know how to connect with him. I’m afraid I won’t understand or won’t like his “world.”

I love pink bows and baby dolls and playing “kitchen” with Katie. Will I be as good at playing monster truck rally? I hope so, but I’m not sure.

Bonding with a Son

My friends that have boys tell me that the bond between mother/son is different than mother/daughter yet still unmistakably present. My friend Meredith tells me it is a lot like the unique bond dads have with daughters. Which got me thinking, how do I feel about the bond Daniel has with Katie?

The Daddy / Daughter Connection

Daniel has made a lot of sacrifices to make and keep the connection those two have. After full workweeks that almost never involve enough sleep, he wakes up at 5:30am on Saturday mornings to meet with his mentor so it doesn’t interfere with family time. He took Katie on a “date” for an hour tonight so I could get a break even though he hasn’t had one all week. There was a time when I could barely imagine the concept, but it happened right in front of me. Daniel is a family man.

As a Father and a Husband

He’s the spiritual leader in our home. He covers us in prayer and encourages us in our relationship with God. And yes I do mean both of us! Sometimes I think Katie is more teachable than myself, but that’s another blog post.

He’s a good provider. If you knew us in our college days when Daniel had the “starving artist” mentality, you’d be as surprised as I was by this.

He’s an example. He apologizes when he’s done wrong, even if it is to a two year-old. He strives to keep his priorities straight. He listens to the people he loves. He honors his parents even though they didn’t do everything perfectly. The list goes on and on.

I Love the Way He Loves Her

The man in my house keeps promises to his little girl even when it’s inconvenient, reads her books even when his eyes ache from fatigue, and melts into goo because she misses holding him.

By loving her, he loves a little part of me. I know she is not me, but she came from me. And at one time I was SO MUCH like her. He gives her what I never had, and through that I somehow get a little part back that I lost.

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8 Responses to By Loving Her, He Loves a Little Part of Me

  1. Mae says:

    Oh, I love this post!
    I went through the same thing with Lily’s pregnancy. I thought “I am one of FOUR girls, what am I going to do with a boy?!?” I can’t wait to find out ;]

    AND man, oh MAN would you two make a cute baby boy!
    .-= Mae´s last blog ..PAGES! =-.

  2. Kate says:

    wow. make me cry.
    I didn’t know what having a son would be like either- I am the youngest of three girls. But the love I have for A and our bond is more intense than I ever thought possible. I’m sure it is definitely different than with a daughter, but not in the least bit weaker!
    So excited for you and I can’t believe you are half-way finished!
    .-= Kate´s last blog ..Picture update! =-.

    • Heather says:

      Kate – When I see you with Asher (and other moms with their sons), I feel like you have experienced a mystery I want to understand. Even though I have doubts, I would love to find out!

  3. Des says:

    Just reading the title of that blog post made me tear up a bit.
    It’s so true.
    That statement, so profound.
    There is NOTHING like a mother watching her husband love her children. It’s indescribable and touches the deepest parts of us.

    I struggled with the same thing. I was SO determined that my son Shiloh was a girl and I really wanted Lyric to have a sister that when i found out he was a boy, I was initially disappointed. How terrible is that?!
    At that point in my life, basically all the children I had a close relationship with were little girls (my sister had just had her first boy, but he was only a few months old and so I hadn’t bonded with him yet). I was scared to death and wrestled with the same things you describe. I am NOT outdoorsy, I’m not really into loud things and getting dirty. I just had no idea how I would EVER be able to properly mother a little boy. Especially if he was anything like his daddy who is ALL boy. All my friends who had boys said, “oh wait till he’s born. The bond you feel with him is GREATER than the one you feel with your daughter.” So I had him, yet never experienced a stronger bond with him than Lyric.
    It’s the same bond!
    That of itself was strange enough because I never thought I would be able to love a little boy the way I love my little girl. But I do and he is amazing!
    He’s 15 months and lives to be outside. He’s rougher, loves to knock things down and ALWAYS has some sort of mission, but at the same time, my how that boy loves his momma.

    ALL THAT LONG WINDED RESPONSE was don’t put any preconceived notions in your head about how your bond will be with him or how you will mother him. Just like being a first time mom, you just find your marks with him as life evolves. And like with most things in life, you’ll surprise yourself with how at home you feel to having a little boy.
    .-= Des´s last blog ..Resolves in Parenting =-.

    • Heather says:

      Destiny – It is moms like you that have been open about their reservations that have given me the most encouragement. I’m so glad to know that moms with adorable little daughters have gone on to delight in their sons, too.

  4. I was to as I say scared about the fact that I was having a boy 2nd time around. Heather as a mom to a mom there is no love like a babies cry or their snuggle or just the first time you see those eyes look at you! I also had a girl first and the love between us was so amazing. The bond was unbelievable all those late nights and I practically held her the first year of her life. That is probally why she never crawled. But when I had my son baking in the oven I would pray that I would love him the same. But eventually I realized that the love would not be the same just as much but there was a difference. My son was born and seeing him made all those overwhelming emotions go away I really believed that the Lord gave me the ability to understand love is unconditional no matter the sex of the baby. I will incourage you to pray about the feeling you are having. I believe just to experience the difference of both sexes has changesd me as a mom.
    .-= Amber Parker´s last blog ..Niji Sushi Restaurant – Medan Putra, Bandar Sri Menjalara =-.

    • Heather says:

      Thank you, Amber. Hearing from moms that have both has definitely given me a new perspective and I am looking forward to the adventure no matter what it holds!

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