Not My Plan

I always marvel at the mothers whose little ones are still in diapers, and who are already researching the various homeschooling methods and strategically selecting the materials they will use when the time comes. This was not how our homeschool experience began…to put it mildly. My decision to homeschool was made abruptly when I realized that first grade meant sending my daughter away for seven hours a day. I just couldn’t do it. I wanted her with me…and so began my bumbling journey into the great unknown.

When I was younger, I had always imagined homeschool kids as the socially bewildered, highwater wearing types who hide behind their mother’s long dresses. This was obviously not for me. Furthermore, I had even been guilty of making remarks like, “Homeschool breeders are taking over the world!” But that was before I decided to homeschool…and before I had five children. I’m pretty sure God is laughing at me.

Learning As You Go

People often ask me how I do it, to which I always reply, “Not gracefully.” I would say that homeschooling is not so different from parenting in general, in that your first child is the “guinea pig” so to speak. And by the time the second child arrives, you are much more prepared to deal with diaper rashes and gassy tummies, and you don’t have to agonize over what kind of baby food you’re going to use. You’ve been there, done that. You’re an old pro. But there are new challenges that come with every age and with every season, and all you can do is learn as you go.

So here I am, eight years into the homeschool experience, and I have not “arrived” and I’m certainly not an “old pro.” I still have days where life happens and nothing much gets done…and moments when I doubt myself and wonder why I’m not better at this by now. But when I look back and remember myself as a naïve but optimistic young mother just starting out, I realize that I’ve come a long way. I have some experience under my belt, and lessons learned the hard way. But what if, from where I sit, I could go back and give myself some advice? Yes! What if I could send my younger self a letter? What would I say? Hmmm…I think it would go something like this:

“Dear Me,

It’s me, your older wiser self. This decision you’ve just made to homeschool? You’ll never regret it. We’re having a wonderful time. The kids are doing great…all five of them. Yeah, that natural birth control doesn’t work, but you keep using it OK? Your life will be the better for it. Trust me on this one.

I know you’re a little overwhelmed with all the options. Textbooks? Boxed curriculum? Charlotte Mason? Unit studies? Classical Edcuation? Yes, yes, I know. There’s a lot to choose from.  I could tell you what you’ll love in the end, but I’d be spoiling half the fun. What’s more important is how you proceed once you’ve made your selections.

Let me make an observation. You, my dear, are something of a perfectionist. Actually, that’s a gross understatement and you know it! Someday, you’ll believe me when I say that perfectionism is a fault, not a virtue. But for now, let me just say this. You CANNOT do everything. And if you try, you will get so overwhelmed, you will literally become paralyzed. You will find yourself accomplishing nothing, even though you’re planning a stellar education. Just hear me on this. There is no such thing as a perfect homeschool, a perfect teacher, a perfect mother, or a perfect wife. You have to make peace with this, and the sooner the better.

About curriculum . .

You will be making too many purchases and trying too many new things at once. I would tell you to slow down, but I know you won’t be able to help yourself. You’ll get it right eventually. Don’t be afraid to discard the things that aren’t working, and don’t worry about the money you lost. You can re-sell it or give it away… doesn’t matter. Just get rid of it and move on. Try to take baby steps, and for goodness sake, use only ONE new thing at a time! Once you get used to it, then you can add something new. Baby steps, Kim. Baby steps.

Be careful not to get caught up in trying to emulate other “successful” homeschoolers. They have much to teach you, this is true. But you are unique and your kids are unique. What works for them and for their kids may not be what’s best for you and yours.

There are so many variables to consider: learning styles, teaching styles,  personality types, family dynamic. Learn what you can, but embrace your uniqueness. Find your backbone, and trust your own mothering instinct. You are connected to your children like no one else. You know what’s best for them. So when you find yourself overwhelmed with all the options and all the advice, go with your gut. Trust yourself. You’ll figure it out.

And take care of yourself!

I know it seems counterintuitive, but you have to put yourself first sometimes. “WHAT?!?!” I can hear you screaming at me. I know, I know. It sounds all wrong, but let me explain. You pride yourself in being “low maintenance,” but there is no such thing. You need plenty of water, plenty of rest and exercise, good food and supplements. You need your “me” time. You need to go on dates with your hubby. And you need girlfriends. Girl’s night out is essential! Being “low-maintenance” will leave you physically exhausted and emotionally bankrupt with nothing left to give. But taking care of you means that you can be a better wife, a better mom, a better teacher, and a better friend….all those things you so desperately want to be. It’s a balancing act, I know. But don’t feel bad about taking care of yourself. It’s the best thing you can do for your family and for the people you love. Hear me on this…or you’ll learn the hard way.

You can do this. I’m proud of you, and you should be proud of you too. Just take it one day at a time.

Yours literally,

Me

I Wonder If I Would Have Listened

I wonder if I would have been ready to take these pearls of wisdom to heart. The truth is, there are no shortcuts. You just have to get in there and get started. I will always be failing forward. After all, a cook that isn’t flubbing recipes is obviously not taking risks…not learning new things. Homeschooling is no different. You try new things…and some stick, some don’t. And eventually, you find what best suits your homeschool personality. But as long as your children are learning, and as long as you’re enjoying each other in the process, you’re doing great. Don’t look back.

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Today I am honored to host a guest post from Ronda C. I first met Ronda in the nursery at our church, where I was very grateful for her willingness to put up with my seaweed snack, cloth diapering, crunchy mama ways. Her daughter, M, comes over and helps with Katie from time to time. M is a rare breed: articulate, gracious, thoughtful and creative beyond her years.The kind of girl you’d like your daughter to emulate.

What’s Your Style?

There are several different methods of homeschooling. Almost no one I know has ever used just one method, but identifying your “style” sure makes life easier by keeping you from being constantly pulled in multiple directions.

The main styles are: textbook, unschooling, classical, unit study, and Charlotte Mason. Each of them has pros and cons, and honestly you can find worthy graduates in all of these venues. Largely the decision is based on your family personality, goals and strengths and, hopefully, God’s leading.

Textbook

This is the type of schooling most of us received. Reading textbooks–usually written by committee, filling out pages in workbooks—ad infinitum, memorizing facts—at least until the test was finished, and forgetting everything soon after.

Variations of this approach include online academies and computer-based courses like Switched On Schoolhouse.

Pros

Easy for the teacher—just grab a teacher’s guide and everything is laid out. If you are planning to pop your kid back into a public or private school within a year or two, this approach will keep them “on track” and they wil be used to the typical classroom procedures. Textbooks are readily available…just go to Abeka or Bob Jones and get the list. When kids are older and can work more independently, this can be an option for a homeschooling parent who has to work during the school day. Programs like Switched On Schoolhouse can be handled by responsible kids with very little supervision.

Cons

Boring. Uninspiring. Lots of BUSYWORK, which is designed to keep students occupied while a teacher deals with issues, not so helpful when you only have a few students.   Not easily individualized.

Unschooling

The opposite of the textbook approach, involves letting the child learn what he or she needs to learn by exposure to the real world, with the theory that a child will naturally gravitate to learning things he or she is interested in. A variation of this approach is called delight-driven or child-centered education. If you want to know more about this approach, read books by John Holt, its leading proponent.

Pros

This approach can allow a gifted child to excel in one area. Think of an Olympic gymnast who has the time to train for hours on end. This approach can also be useful to help a child who is burned out from the school experience that needs to decompress and regain a love of learning.

Cons

I think Dr. Tim Kimmel, author of Grace-Based Parenting, put it best when he said “most kids are born with a lazy streak, which inclines them to aim too low when it comes to personal development.” Most of the kids I have encountered who were educated in this way don’t seem to learn to “harness their potential, discipline their desires, regiment their strengths, and face their weaknesses with courage.” Not that I blame them . . . it takes a disciplined approach to overcome the ever-present lure of technology. Sadly outside of moving to Northern Idaho and disconnecting from electricity, most of us face an uphill battle in turning our kids’ attention from the glitzy to the important.

Classical

Revival of a medieval model of education where learning is broken into three stages which correspond with the intellectual maturity of the child. During the first stage (ages 6-10), emphasis is placed on memorization and the fundamentals. During the second stage (ages 10-14), students learn to discuss and debate, learn logic and some higher- level analysis. During the last stage (age 14 +), students spend a lot of time writing and speaking to support their arguments. Also, students learn Latin, and sometimes other ancient languages like Greek and Hebrew. To get more info, look for books by Dorothy Sayers or The Well-Trained Mind, by Susan Wise Bauer.

Pros

In-depth education that prepares a child for almost any academic future. Exposure to some of the great thinkers of the Ages, through their writings. Students who complete this type of study will be very competitive in college.

Cons

Very difficult and demanding. Great amount of pressure on kids. It takes a great amount of time and leaves little time and energy for any other pursuits. Demanding for parents as well, since they will need to hold up their end of these great conversations.

Unit Studies

Integrates several areas of studies around a common theme. For example, a study of Medieval times could incorporate study of the Roman Catholic Church, early medicine and astronomy, what foods were served, monetary systems, the plague, architecture of cathedrals, etc. The theory is that a student will more naturally learn when a topic is approached from several related perspectives.

Pros

Can allow a student to pursue a passion. If your son loves dinosaurs, you could spend weeks learning more about them. Also, it’s memorable. My kids still remember the medieval feast that we prepared during a unit study.

Cons

Again, requires a lot of effort by a parent. Presents the risk of skipping important areas of learning because they were not incorporated in the unit.

Charlotte Mason

Charlotte Mason was a British educator at the turn of the century who rejected what she viewed as the soulless British education system. She espoused a system of education that emphasized formation of good character, or habits, basic learning skills, and learning through real life experiences (like museum visits). She also emphasized reading “living books”—books that make the subject come alive, instead of just presenting dry facts. In addition to reading a lot, students had to narrate back what they had read, which served to cement the learning. She also encouraged lots of exposure to the fine arts, by listening to classical music and viewing fine art. My favorite homeschooling book of all time is Educating the Whole Hearted Child by Sally Clarkson, who does a great intro to this method.

Pros

A warm, cozy home where learning is considered a joy. Lots of exposure to fine thoughts and excellence tends to create a hunger for that in a child. Tea parties, classical music in the background, nature walks and sketching, picture study of a DaVinci. What is not to like?

Cons

Some would argue that the education is not comprehensive. In older years, it is harder to explain the learning for a transcript.

What We Did

Frankly, our educational journey has encompassed a bit of all of these methods. When my girls were little, I used a unit study curriculum called “Five in a Row” based on children’s classics. We also participated with a group where we jointly taught unit studies on horses and medieval times. We truly enjoyed the fun and fellowship of these “part-time” studies.

For most of the time, we used a largely Charlotte Mason approach, though we never succeeded at keeping all of our lessons short. We read tons of living books, using Sonlight curriculum for the most part. We used textbooks for math and later for upper-level science.  We used some classical techniques—sadly, while I was drawn to the idea, I found the practice more than we could squeeze into our day.  In general, we spent most of our days reading great literature together, and talking about what we read. Because of that, I think my daughters can hold their own in any conversation, can confidently read to educate themselves, and can put their thoughts down in a lucid, interesting way. Unfortunately, my lack of attention to penmanship means that they should probably do it on the computer! Ahh, well. c’est la vie.

Do you have a question for Ronda? Have some wisdom to share? Tell us in the comments below!

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