Today I was planning to announce an awesome giveaway . . . probably my favorite so far. Unfortunately, our buyer backed out yesterday and I am a mess.
My midwife will be here soon for my 39 week checkup. She’ll ask me how I’m doing, and I won’t lie. I’m shutting down emotionally. I am doing exactly what I did during Katie’s birth. I am doing what my husband and I have worked so hard to avoid . . . retreating within.
Even with all that’s going on I still really, really wanted to give this surprise away because I love ya’ll and so many of you need/want it. It’s just that I am struggling to breathe. It sounds silly, I know, but it’s not just about where we live. It’s that I feel powerless. Yesterday I saw a headline about something going on in the Congo. It was so disturbing I couldn’t even read the story, and yet the bare facts listed in the headline have haunted me ever since.
I am an optimist by nature. I believe that God in me can be helping hands and an understanding heart to a world full of pain. But right now I’m afraid that if I open my mouth my heart might break, so I’ll wait.