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Searching For Your Swagger

Affiliate Disclosure | in Motherhood | by | with 18 Comments

[info_box]Guest Blogger #4: Sarah Finks. She is always trying to find ways to provide her family with healthy meals and a warm welcoming home. Visit her blog Three Boys Home [/info_box]I had an interesting exchange on Facebook this morning with several other moms. The original post was a mom who needed to get her “groove back.” I instantly new what she was talking about and so did several others. If you are not familiar with this phenomenon I will try to explain. From about the time you get pregnant to I’d say AT-LEAST 6 months after the baby is born you are in a kind of baby fog (for lack of a better term).

I am sure hormones have something to do with this but during this time you lose interest in yourself as a person and are solely committed to growing, feeding, caring for this little creature with little thought of yourself. Before I had kids, I thought “that will never be me, I am a capable woman and can take wonderful care of my children without sacrificing myself in the process!” I would be sure to look my best before leaving the house, could engage in interesting adult banter over cocktails, and was, at least I think, pretty good company.

Now after 3 kids in 2.2 years I am lucky to have showered for the day and forget about looking my best! If I have clothes on I consider myself good to go. My interesting adult banter consists of play date scheduling, tips on keeping your kitchen floor clean, and how to get your kids to stop screaming in the car. Seriously I should not be allowed to have discussions with people who don’t have small children, I actually find myself confused and unable to follow the conversation!

As I have been going through this process I find myself trying to identify what it is in life that I truly enjoy doing. Eventually these boys who are SO dependent on me will become more and more independent. I am very lucky to have the opportunity to stay home with my 3 boys. In fact its the best experience of my life.

I think this unsettled feeling for me may have started way before I had children. I liked my career enough, it paid the bills. But it was never something that I looked forward to. There must be something out there for me that doesn’t feel like a JOB. Just an extension of me… right now that is being fulfilled by staying at home raising my children and making a home for my family.

But this will not go on forever and I think there is more to me that I don’t even know about. I very much feel that I rushed through high-school and college without much thought. It was about getting good grades, graduating, and getting a job. I also think that I was too immature at the time to put aside outside influences and focus on myself.

As the twins get older the fog is clearing slowly but surely. But I am sure the girl who thought she could climb Mt. Everest with a baby on her back is long gone. Hopefully to be replaced with a more mature and even more interesting version. I can’t wait to meet her! Hopefully sooner than later?

*Leave a comment below to help Sarah win the BIG guest blogger contest!

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18 Responses to Searching For Your Swagger

  1. biscuit23 says:

    I’m not a mom yet, but I definitely understand the idea of searching for that “thing” that’s supposed to be “yours.” Thanks for posting. We’ll all get there eventually.

  2. Erika M. says:

    This is a super-thoughtful post! I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks Sarah!

  3. Stepphani says:

    This is a beautifully written post. So raw and genuine. Sarah put into words what I’d imagine most mothers feel, but might be afraid to admit. I applaud her honesty – and her dedication to her family.

  4. Joany Ellsworth says:

    I too never thought this would be me! Now here I am…grateful for naps so I could shower. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.

  5. Kristine says:

    Great post, Sarah! I’m trying to enjoy outings and travel as much as possible while I’m still single. I know when I get married and have kids, it will take a lot more effort to get out of the house, and life will be different. I think it’s important to try to enjoy each season of life that I’m in no matter what it looks like and do little things that bring me joy.

  6. Jenny Steadman says:

    I’m 6 months postpartum right now so I definitely identify with this! Thanks for bringing up the discussion and making all of us other moms not feel so all alone. =)

  7. Maggie says:

    I really enjoyed reading this post! I think you’ve done an amazing job!

  8. ElisabethCS says:

    I can relate for sure! I have mommy-brain, am in need of a makeover badly and would so love to bring sexy back…6 weeks postpartum.

    Great post! Thanks for sharing your heart.

  9. Claramarie says:

    As the momma of a 7 month old baby girl I hear you!!!!! The moms in my moms group visit this topic often, how do we keep it all together, be super mama and be super us??? I do things now i never dreamed I could do, and cant do things i thought i would have no problem with! I look forward to seeing who i will be 7 months from now and am look back at who i was 7 months ago and marvel at the changes.
    thanks for the musings Sarah!

  10. Heather says:

    Sarah – I love this post! In my early days with Katie I felt the exact same way,and that was just with one! One day I was decently fashionable and successful and then I gave birth and WHAM! I was covered in poop and spitup for an entire year straight. I felt like I had lost myself, but looking back I think I got the best makeover I could have ever asked for.

    When things finally started getting easier and I was able to kind of get myself in order I found a new person on the inside. Although I looked like my old self (with makeup and everything!), my expressions were softer, my words more patient, and my heart more open. I didn’t realize it was happening, but I consider it the best “soul makeover” I’ve ever gotten.

    • Justyn says:

      I love how you call it a “makeover”, Heather! That’s how I felt, too, but not at first. At first I was frantically searching on-line (between nursing and laundry and dishes) for the answers I needed… I just wasn’t quite sure of the QUESTION!! “How do I live with a new baby?”… “What does a new mommy routine look like?”… “Am I ever going to be able to do anything NORMAL again?!?!” Yep, I really did Google stuff like that! :-) Slowly I began to see a new routine and a new ME emerge! It was kind of scary, but exciting, too. Now I’m expecting baby number two and I’m wondering what kind of “makeover” I’ll get this time. Thanks for the article, Sarah!

  11. Quinn says:

    Rock on sister! It’s so interesting how having kids changes who you are. Mom is such a hard word to define and that definition varies for everyone and it’s something you have to find for yourself. I think losing myself after I had my kids, while so hard at the time, became a blessing because it forced me to really consider who I was and who I wanted to be. Thanks for the amazing post Sarah!

  12. Sarah says:

    It really is amazing how children can change you. And also very humbling to realize where you were before:) Before this I NEVER would have started blogging, let alone volunteer to write a guest post! One thing I have learned is to stop thinking so much. Just let go and see where life takes you.

  13. Lucy says:

    Thanks for posting this, I’m still living the “baby fog”, and the “baby” is now a todler… she is 20 months, and I’m still not as worried about my appearances as I was before. I shower, I’m clean, my clothes are clean, but I’m not fashionable… not worried about my weight… hey, maybe this is a good thing?

    • Sarah says:

      I remember thinking right before I got pregnant with my first son, that I should probably lose a few pounds… well 3 kids later and I am FINALLY back to that weight and am THRILLED with how I look. Isn’t it amazing what a little perspective can do for your body image?

  14. Stacey says:

    Thanks for putting into words how I am feeling! With 3 girls all with different sleep issues a successful day is one where I have a shower & make diner! On the rare occasionans I make it out of the house & see other adults I find myself unable to hold a conversation without fogging over!
    Glad it’s not just me!

  15. Shawna says:

    I have never read so accurate a description of myself. It made me happy to feel not alone. Especially the part about hurrying through my earlier life and getting good grades and not feeling like my job is something I look forward to.

    I think we should form a “getting our groove back” support group.

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