My apologies for writing every Daddypotamus post about vision, destiny, and intangible life meaning stuff. At this exact moment in my life, I can’t force myself to drum up an explanation of my paternal views on extended breastfeeding. What I CAN share is my focus and experience, and that leads me back into that great big, super-duper, all-important visioneering black hole.

The divine waiting game

After reading Joy’s guest post on Belgexan.com, I was reminded yet again that sometimes God allows us to wait MUCH longer than we want for things because He’s more concerned about our hearts. I don’t want to establish a doctrine on the subject, however, because sometimes God wants us to walk into His provision and we’re sitting back expecting it to take forever. So while there ARE moments that God allows us to sweat because it’s purifying, we would be limiting Him if we choose to expect the same situation and response every time we want something.

When we encounter delay, we want to know why. We want to problem solve and “fix it.” At least I do. It’s in my nature to limit what God is doing by deciding that He’s making me wait because He wants to do X in my life (build character, show me my heart’s real desires, etc). It’s so easy to see one thing happening and decide that that’s what God had in mind. The problem is, that particular thing could be accomplished and the delayed solution may still not come. Then I would be disheartened, disappointed, and angry with God. After all, didn’t I just willfully endure the character pruning in that specific area? I should get my answer now! This isn’t fair!

And while I waste time having a crisis of faith, I could have been peacefully growing and abiding in Him. The truth is, God didn’t speak to me and say, “Daniel, the ONLY thing I want to do before I give you what you want is to fix X in your character.” If He did, I would know precisely why I’m here and to expect a change in circumstance afterward. But He didn’t say that. He only showed me an area of my life He wants to touch. I presumed this was the only thing on the agenda. Presumption leads to disappointment; disappointment leads to a crisis of faith.

Avoiding unnecessary crises of faith

Do you want to avoid a crisis of faith? Begin by taking an honest look at your assumptions and presumptions. Have you interpreted one piece of data to be the only subject on God’s agenda? Did you allow wishful thinking to generate presumption? Confess your error and start afresh.

We’re all going to need to do this from time to time. It’s just too easy to see AN explanation and presume it’s THE explanation.

I’m finding that there’s more peace in an open-handed approach to God, even though I’ve wanted answers and provision and a new property REALLY badly. I’ve prayed my desires for a while just in case God wanted to wow me with amazing provision from the get-go. But after months of no provision, I had to start asking the tough questions, and it turns out that there are several things I can let God do in my life. It doesn’t mean I’ll get what I want after He and I are through with these things. I don’t have that promise. But I do have less stress than I did before, because I’ve surrendered the tiresome assertion of my will.

When you pray for something and you don’t have the word from the Lord already that He’s going to do it, you’re praying in hope more than faith. That doesn’t mean hopeful prayers are bad… they’re just not the faith-filled prayers we sometimes want to assume they are.

And… where’s the pleasure, exactly?

The pleasure is such a new thing it bears some difficulty describing. There are these faint internal giddy feelings I get from experiencing the wait and the prayerful return to waiting on God. It’s like the difference between drinking a cup of green tea versus a Red Bull or Iced Venti Vanilla Latte (God’s fave). The green tea wakes me up, helps me feel alert, but doesn’t rock inside my head like a screaming emo singer. That’s more of the Red Bull effect. There are loud obnoxious pleasures and there are subtle, “uplifting” pleasures. It’s a discipline to settle for the subtle internal pleasures at first because they don’t cause sugar and testosterone to pump through my veins like a raging bull. But the pleasures are there, and I feel better about them as I learn to recognize them for what they are.

The moral of the story

The morals of at least some stories are not what we initially want to hear. At least, that’s proven true for me. I didn’t want to hear that God was waiting on me to let Him show me my own heart and establish a history of faithfulness in an area before He’d answer my prayers. But once I surrendered to the idea, I found myself less stressed and disappointed. Surrender of the perception of power is not easy. It leads us to approach life from an entirely different perspective than the ambitious seize what’s yours mentality of American business culture. But the proof is in the pudding. My quality of life has improved because it’s improving on the inside. Faithful in little, ruler of much.

Question from Heather:

Have you experienced a situation where you had to wait on something you really wanted? Please share it here.

When she guest-posted for Belgexan, Joy had no idea what a comfort and encouragement her words would be to us and many others. Your experiences are so extremely valuable in bringing context not just to your life but to the stories we are all living out. Don’t keep them to yourself! You never know who will read your words at just the right time.Similar Posts:

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Last week I wrote about the journey of forgiveness I am on. If anyone is interested, part 3 of Jack’s sermon, “How to Forgive,” is now available here.

I hope ya’ll are having a relaxing Sunday!Similar Posts:

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This week I had a dream. One of my most trusted friends and I were talking about vacations. She told me she knew the perfect spot for Daniel and I. It was somewhere I’d never heard of, so she pulled out a travel photography book and opened it to a specific page. It reads “Forgive. To forgive . . . great parking!!!“

When I woke up I felt like my trusted friend (representing God) was telling me that the place of rest and relaxation I have been longing for is found in forgiveness. The best part is, since forgiveness is not exactly where the masses like to congregate, the parking is incredibly convenient. That’s right, the place of forgiveness is not a place any one of us will have to fight crowds to get to. We don’t need to make reservations ahead of time. Isn’t it funny that God would tell me a joke while pointing out an area of my life that needs to be cleansed? He is SO not intimidated by my pain or my faults.

Obviously, this dream was meant for me. There are several painful things in my life I am struggling to forgive. But maybe it’s for you, too. If so, I encourage you to download Jack Deere’s free sermons on the subject. He’s my pastor, and I like him because he’s not churchy. I’ve learned a lot about what forgiveness is and what it does from these sermons. Much of it was a complete surprise to me, and it may be to you.

By far, forgiving the people closest to us that have betrayed our trust is one of the most difficult choices imaginable. Next week Jack will explain how to complete the cycle of healing in the most intimate of circumstances. I am eagerly awaiting this message in the hopes that I will finally find the way to my secluded little vacation spot.

Apparently, forgiveness is the place to be. The road may be (let’s be honest) extremely painful, but past experience in this area tells me it will be worth it. If you’ve taken this journey before I’d love to know what inspired you to do it and if/how it changed your view of life.

Similar Posts:

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Which means I’ll be “guest posting” from time to time. Once a week is my goal. Gigi will also be contributing, though we’ve got to figure out a better means of a Gigified blogging process than her submitting chicken scratches on spiral notebook paper. I know I’m not planning on transcribing that messy awesome handwriting.

There’s something strategic, prophetic, and pioneering in all this. God has called us on a strange journey. I call it strange for your benefit because, honestly, it’s all become quite normal to me. Not to spoil all the future posts Heather may have planned, but one can only endure so many ground eggshells, kale chips, and fermented “stuff” before pretty much nothing short of a live animal on the plate would be surprising.

The Family Vision

We have a family vision, and it’s been taking on more and more definition as time passes. Vision is important. Very little is MORE important, honestly. Without vision, the people perish. Without vision, we live wasted, purposeless lives and look back at the end and wonder if all that time we spent was worth it. Each of us has a God-given mission, and the Dessinger family is determined to see those individual missions and the unified family mission come to full-fledged reality.

I can’t spell it all out for you yet because A) I don’t know it all, B) I don’t feel comfortable putting all that out there before it’s happened, and C) God typically doesn’t like it when we blab about what He hasn’t released us to say.

Suffice it to say, the burden for that specific house is heavy on our hearts. We’re a significant ways from attaining it. But either God will deliver, or He will lead us to a better option. I’m all for exceeding my expectations. I’m all for the “more than I can ask, think, or imagine.” I have a wonderfully potent imagination. Yay, God!

Thoughts on Pioneering

Let me say this both to pacify my own heart and to encourage maybe a few of you out there. Pioneering is hard, often lonely, sometimes maddening, frequently frustrating, sometimes hopeless (feeling), and always worth it if you’re called.

There are other people doing the organic thing, or growing their own gardens, or starting farms. But there’s something unique stirring here that’s more holistic and, dare I say, supernatural at work here. You see, I’m not so much the gung ho gardener or do-it-yourself permaculture guy. I’m more of the “recognize that God intended and desires us to be whole in body, soul and spirit IN THIS LIFE guy.” And He has given His Church power to accomplish this.

I want to live a life of significance. I very much respect the Haggertons for all they do because they are forming community at the point of giving selflessly and from rich deposits in both their minds and spirits. Jim Bob and Cindy have cultivated a spirit of excellence over the years that is evidenced by the excellence in which they love and help others. They are pioneers in that they’ve learned a collection of amazing things from various sources and have put them together to provide a unique flavor of ministry that heals people.

God has given us a vision to pioneer in much the same way. Ours will look different, but we are very much excited to be molded and shaped so that we can make the passions of our hearts actually useful and find amazing fulfillment using our most beloved personal gifts to transform people.

Let me encourage you to pursue the purpose God has given you. Each one of you will feel incomplete as long as you are settling for a life of something less. I settled for years, but all the while God was working other areas of my heart so that a few years ago I would begin stepping one foot at a time into the purposes and destiny that will most fulfill us.

I pray God’s blessing on you. I pray He will breathe His breath of life on your hearts and cause your passions to come alive again. I pray He will give you wisdom and understanding of the passions and the leadings of the Holy Spirit.

Some of you will read this and wish I’d left God out of it. Sorry. He’s so closely tied to who I am that I would be false to ignore it. My heart’s passion is for the wholeness and restoration of the whole man or woman. Not just the body. Not just the soul. Not just the spirit. I want it all. For me and for you.Similar Posts:

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Because it is absolutely NOT an option for me to have a blogspot account, I have been struggling for months to come up with an original url for my blog. Blogspots and WordPress hosted blogs cannot be tinkered with much, and if I am going to have a blog my husband needs to tinker with it.

I have noticed that a lot of mom’s name their blogs in some fashion after their children, so I know that my first impulse, “Katie’s Mom,” was in good company. Of course, the url is taken. It seems a little shortsighted anyway. I don’t want to have to switch url’s every time God blesses us with another child.

I know who I am. I am Daniel’s wife and Katie’s mom. And I am a child of God. That last part is still sinking in.

I know who I am, but I don’t know what it means. What does it mean to be a mother? So far on this journey the one thing that seems clear to me is that I must change. I don’t want to model perfectionist tendencies for my daughter. What mother wants her daughter measuring herself against an unattainable ideal? Not me.

It took having a child to realize that my Father doesn’t want me doing this to myself, either. And so it goes with so many other things in my life. To know that I am not defined by my ability to keep a clean house or make a perfect meal is good. Maybe as I figure out a few more things that I am not, the picture of who I am becoming will be more clear. Until then, I am sticking to this temporary home.Similar Posts:

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If you think I am crunchy, you should meet my mom. She is SUPER crunchy. The kind of crunchy that buries kitchen scraps in the backyard so she can have good compost for the veggie garden. The thing is, bless my mom’s crunchy little heart, when I was a newborn, my mom hadn’t heard of swaddling, co-sleeping, or extended breastfeeding. I am convinced that she would have tried the whole nine yards with respect to attachment parenting. She just didn’t have a clue.

So, per my dad’s uninformed request, I was deposited with a babysitter at six weeks old while my mom went back to work as a therapist, thus ensuring that some future therapist would have job security helping me sort out the mess that being separated from her would inevitably cause.

My mom and I are really close, because you can do the wrong thing with the best of intentions. Kids get that. I never doubted that my mom loved me. It was literally etched in her expression every time she looked at me. But still, I recognize that early separation from my parents seriously affected me. So when I found out I was having a baby, I KNEW this time had to be different. I would be the model attachment parent and everything would be great.

Ha.

Ha ha.

Okay, now that you are done laughing at my naivete, let me tell you what happened. I LOVED attachment parenting! Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing. Count me in!!! But… about that “model parent” thing? Man was I in trouble. The more perfect I tried to be, the more aware of my failures I became. So I tried harder, thus failing more often. By the time Katie was ten months old, I felt defeated. I had failed. What was I trying to do, anyway? “Unbreak” myself by being the mother I had needed as a child?

Um, yeah. That’s exactly what I was trying to do. What a mercy it is that early on, the Lord let me see how that would work out over time. We cannot undo our pain by parenting our children differently than we were parented, but our pain can become purposeful when it helps us make better parenting choices. In the end, though, the pain can only be resolved by taking it to God. I am oh-so-aware of how cheesy this may sound as I type, but it is real. Becoming a parent has helped me understand the Father in ways I had never imagined. To know that He loves me MORE than I love Katie . . . how could I not begin to trust Him in a new way?

And so, one Sunday afternoon, I prayed with my husband and asked God to heal the pain of being left alone. To my surprise, he did.Similar Posts:

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