The Mystical Side of Mommyhood

on February 21 | in Breastfeeding | by | with 18 Comments

When the Plot Twist Has Nothing To Do With the Movie

This is a photo of me on the way to a shoot ‘em up movie with Daddypotamus. Okay, not really, but it might as well be since I cover my eyes through most of those movies. I’m tough like that.

I don’t like to pay money to NOT WATCH a movie, so Daddypotamus usually catches action flicks on his own. But last year we saw Green Zone, and although I don’t remember much about the storyline I can tell you this: Somewhere between the part where U.S. Army officer R. Miller begins his hunt for Magellan and the big dramatic conclusion I felt something completely new . . .  a little leap from the spirit growing in my belly. Baby wasn’t big enough for me to feel movement yet, but I sensed an exhultation as the story of heroism and adventure unfolded. It was then I knew I was carrying a boy.

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

Some Things You Just Know

I can tell you the moment I knew Daniel was the one (over a salad bar before I’d spoken one word) and the moment I told Daniel we were pregnant both times (long before a test could confirm).

Although I am pretty good at second guessing them, these fleeting sensations are burned into me with a clarity that only gets stronger with time. From the moment he was conceived Micah’s spirit has been drawing me to him.

. . . Until a few weeks ago, when it began to feel like he was drifting. He would nurse for a few seconds and push me away, or just not latch on at all.

Sometimes the Only Path is Pain

Then last week, with blood smeared all over his cheeks and on my chest, my son and I found each other all over again. It wasn’t easy. Or simple. Or pretty. I wish there had been another way.

But it worked, and it was worth it. Last Friday, after a rough 24 hours following his tongue-tie clipping procedure, Micah completed the longest nursing session of his life. When his belly was full he leaned against my chest and breathed a sigh of contentment I’ve never heard from him before.

Bliss.

Have you experienced the sixth sense of motherhood? Tell me about it!

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18 Responses to The Mystical Side of Mommyhood

  1. Mellanie says:

    I am SO happy to read this! I was just thinking about you and was going to message you when I saw this post pop up on FB. It brought tears to my eyes!

    • Heather says:

      Hi Mellanie – I was just about to message you, too! Until this experience I was really sure what all the hullabaloo was about lactation consultants. Breastfeeding was just so easy with Katie I really couldn’t get it. But now? I’m one of your biggest fans for sure. Thanks for all you do!

  2. caitlin says:

    so true. there are some things you just “know.”

    after THREE negative pregnancy tests, austin bought me a glass of wine one evening, but i told him i wasn’t going to drink it because i knew i was pregnant, even though the tests said otherwise. sure enough, i was right! and of course, i just knew he was a boy. when he was born, i just looked at austin and said something like, “so it’s a boy, right?”

    what a great picture of that handsome boy and his adoring mommy. happy for you both and your renewed nursing relationship.

    • Heather says:

      I love it! I think there is something so neat about trusting our senses over technology. I was the proud owner of at least 10 negative pregnancy tests before I got one that told me what i already knew deep inside . . Micah was on the way.

      And while I usually wish I’d had a sono at least once during my pregnancies (because it would make shopping so much easier) there is just something so intimate about seeing a baby’s face for the first time and thinking “I KNEW it!”

  3. margo says:

    YEA!! Milky bliss, I love it! So thankful for lactation specialists, without Kathy B, I would be in a big trouble. So thankful Micah & you are doing wonderful. Dontcha just love it when you get the “I just know it”!

  4. Mae says:

    Oh Heather!!! I completely understand where you’re coming from. I too have had the “YES! Baby! We’re pregnant!” before a test can confirm it [and when the tests didn't confirm it] and I definitely got a big “I TOLD YOU SO!” moment when Lily was born a girl :]
    We had an experience similar to Micah’s nursing when Lily came home from the hospital when she had her peanut reaction. After being pushed from doctor to doctor, drug to drug, test to test, she was spent. I [after washing my boob like never before!] got us both cozy when we got home, laid down with her to nurse, and through that quivery, shaky breath after they’ve just been crying for way too long, she just sighed and let her body relax. FINALLY. Knowing that your baby feels safest in your arms is one of the best feelings in the world!

  5. Amy W. says:

    Glad to hear the surgery went well, and you and baby are experiencing a wonderful time of feedings. He’ll never know he missed them or that he underwent a clipping.

  6. Heather says:

    We are having a wonderful time :)

  7. Amanda says:

    Yes, some things you just know. First pregnancy I just knew it was a boy. Second pregnancy, the moment I took the test I knew it was a girl.

    Now, having just confirmed a few days ago I am pregnant again, I have the oddest feeling it is twin boys…not sure if it is mommy intuition or just crazy pregnancy hormones!

  8. shannon says:

    so are you having another soon and already know the gender Heather? :) i knew i was pregnant after many neg. tests with two that are in heaven. and with axel the test confirmed what i knew for sure anyway! :) i don’t know how you all can tell with the gender! i was so excited and hopeful that i would just be guessing!!! :) good for you though. that would be so cool to know and be right!

    • Heather says:

      No, I’m not pregnant, but I do have a sense that our family is not complete yet and I **think** I know what gender our next child will be. Weird, I know.

      I am so grateful you have Axel. He is one blessed boy to have you for a mama.

  9. Oh my goodness, I teared up when I read this story. So happy for you and Micah! Yeah! And he is one handsome little boy ;).

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