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You Might Be an Unconventional Mama If…

Affiliate Disclosure | in Motherhood | by | with 118 Comments


…your kids name your (kombucha) scobies and pretend they are pets. – Michelle Thiehoff

…you grind up an eggplant, put it in a jar with vinegar, put it in the fridge for 3 days, then use it on your son’s warts… and it really works too! – Gina Palmer

Your sister thinks her nose ring is infected and you offer to give her some breast milk to take home and treat it with. You don’t understand why she made that face about it, either. – Susie Yarbrough

Your 16 month old thinks socks are for her hands! (because she goes barefoot everywhere!) – Unmistakably Food

You tell your 4 year old you’re having chicken nuggets for dinner and she says “Mama, what are chicken nuggets?” – Mommypotamus

Your kids beg for “special chocolate” daily and even ask for seconds. (“Special chocolate” = Chocolate Cream FCLO) – Kate Tietje

Your answer for everything from bug bites to fabric soften(er) is vinegar! – Autumn Peiser

For a snack your kid wants butter. Just. butter. – Becki Pembleton

Your kid’s ear hurts and they start saying, “I need my onions!” – Haley Smisek

VLUU L100, M100  / Samsung L100, M100

Your OB’s nurse asks, “what is this D.C. is after your primary care Dr’s name” [D.C. = Doctor of Chiropractic] – Mindy Worley

You make brownies out of soaked black beans, you put bone broth in sippy cups and your toddler cries for sauerkraut. – Kelly Villareal

You let your children choose their own weaning date and then invite their friends to their weaning party. – Jolene Michele

You ask your daughter what she bought from the school bake sale and she replies, “Ewwwww. Nothing. Everything was covered in chemicals.” – Mommy OM

The phone in your bedroom rings in the morning and it wakes the entire family up because you are all in the same bed. – Debbie Cook St. John

Your request to keep your placenta is met with confusion by hospital staff. – Caroline May

You steal your placenta from the hospital when the nurses say you can’t take it with you. – Candace Spain-Smith


High five to the unconventional mamas who inspired this post via this thread on my Facebook wall. There were many more that made me giggle, but this is a pretty good sampling of the overall theme.

Now it’s your turn! What did we miss?

Photo credits: mdanys (top photo), JasonUnbound (middle photo), Daniela Vladimirova (bottom photo) cc

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118 Responses to You Might Be an Unconventional Mama If…

  1. Your kids’ smoothies consist of broccoli, spinach, bone broth, soaked seeds, berries and a dash of ghee…

  2. Sarah says:

    Your medicine cabinet looks the same as your spice cabinet.

  3. vero says:

    Your husband enters the minivan and notices everyone smells like garlic, he feels left out and says “no one offered me any garlic”

  4. Kellie Jordan says:

    Your four year-old asks for buttery brussels sprouts and chicken livers for her birthday dinner!

    • Stacey says:

      Would love to know how you cook your chicken livers.
      Would love a post on cooking all kinds of liver…please! :)

    • Umm, WOW. I still have to mask the flavor of liver in other dishes. Rock on, mama!

      • Oh man I love liver! I simmer mine with mushrooms and caramelized onions, add salt/pepper/spices – whatever resonates with my intuition, and smells good – then blend. Put in square glass baking dish, cover completely with a layer of melted butter, then chill and cut into squares. Eat it with a wholesome baguette, like a spread. It’s SO GOOD.

  5. Amanda N. says:

    Your husband regularly sings “Every Day I’m Kefiring’ to the tune of “Party Rock Anthem”.

  6. marybeth says:

    You eat “dog treats”(raw cheese) with crackers as a regular snack.

  7. Lindsey says:

    You ask your soon-to-be-9-year-old what special meal he wants for his birthday, and he can’t decide between grass-fed steak and eggplant pizza, but kale chips are on his list regardless.

    You notice that your daughter’s rash on her chin has disappeared and comment on it. She says, “Yeah, it’s because I haven’t been eating grains or sugar, Momma!”

    Two separate people walk up to you at church on the same Sunday and ask you to do some “food research” for them because they’ve been diagnosed with something by their doctor and know you’re the person to ask for all things nutrition-related.

  8. Lindsey says:

    When “Rub some coconut oil on it!” is your answer for every complaint.

    When Nourishing Traditions is your poolside book of choice two summers in a row.

  9. Shannon says:

    You still have all three of, those placentas (that you didn’t have to steal because your children were born at home with a midwife) in your freezer because you haven’t found the right tree to plant them with yet.

  10. Sarah says:

    When your kids play “restaurant” and tell you everything is organic and GMO free.

  11. Linzy says:

    Loved this post!!! I once had to throw out a Scoby that had gotten particularly large and out of control, and my 6-year-old staged a full on right-to-life demonstration, citing several convincing facts about why it should be allowed to live on.

  12. Tammy says:

    After falling off a toy at the playground your child informs the other children that he needs to “get that popcorn out!” (what my chiropractor husband calls the noise his adjustments make).

  13. Jessica says:

    Your water breaks while getting an infusion of iron in the hospital and you immediately rush home to give birth.

  14. Rachael says:

    When your child put lavender essential oil on all their cuts/bruises/itchy bites.

    You have to tell your guests to be careful which icecream bucket they pull out of the freezer… one is homemade icecream, the other one has from placenta from our homebirth!

  15. GudrunB says:

    they are fantastic!!!! Home birth is the answer for the placenta though :) yet my daughter as adamant about not keeping it…. and if you ask my kids (grown now) what i put on every thing the unanimous answer will be GARLIC!

  16. Linda says:

    When you hear your kids tell their friends ‘if you see low-fat on a label, it really means ‘chemical sh*t storm!”

  17. Kelly says:

    When you decide that after having experienced severe, life threatening Post Partum Depression, twice, that you will never go the “medical” route, again, for prevention or treatment. So, instead you dry, encapsulate and then consume your placenta and then experience what really is true “Baby Moon Bliss!”

  18. Jana says:

    Your son calls your kitchen an “apothecary” because of all the herb-filled jars and packages lining the shelves.

  19. Sara G. says:

    When you go to the zoo and get really excited to see some of the animals breastfeeding (in public, not covered!).

  20. Angelina says:

    At a party with catered BBQ, your kids see the tray of white bread and squeal, “Mama, can we have some of that duck bread?!”. (We’ve only ever bought it to feed the ducks at the pond.)

  21. Rachel says:

    Your kids BEG for their daily dose of cod liver oil!

  22. Margo says:

    When someone in the house gets a fever and your husband automatically prepares some egg whites. Your 2yr old asks for arnica and elderberry for her owies.

  23. Lisa says:

    oh, it’s nice to find all of you!

  24. Kayla says:

    When your daughter runs around saying, “Do you like my makeup? My mom made it out of food.”

  25. If your son gets a few funny questions from baseball teammates drinking gatorade because he’s drinking komucha with chia seeds….from a glass jar.

    • TheCrunchyChemist says:

      I can relate to this. I am the only teenager at my job that makes my own meals, and they usually include the “Ewww-what’s-that?!?!” drink called kombucha with wheatgrass. :-)

  26. Amanda Iden Howell says:

    Instead of “special chocolate”, my kids beg for “chocolate fish”…same stuff, different name!
    Every time my toddler daughter gets a boo boo, she says “we’ll put some oil on it”.

  27. Andrea says:

    You might be an unconventional mama if your 24yo son tells all of his buddies “You ought to see my mom’s new tattoo sleeve! It’s da bomb!!”

  28. When your kids eat organic veggies out of the garden with dirt on them and they don’t mind it.
    When your kids have seen a chicken harvest(blood guts etc) and the only comment is-“when do we get to eat them?”
    When your harvested duck is on the family thanksgiving table and your 7 year old spurts out, “she stopped laying eggs, so we harvested her!”
    Your multitude of fermenting jars have to be labeled because you might forget what you are making.
    Your essential oils are carried with you at all times
    I am sure I can think of more….

    • Emily, this totally reminds me of last night with my 5 year old. We were making fish and I put it in her hands to show her how pretty it was. We were talking all about it’s iridescent skin and then all of a sudden she poked it in the eye. I totally freaked and and she looked at me like, “What’s the big deal mom? It can’t feel anything!” I guess some of us are still getting used to this whole eating things that have eyes thing.

      • Pocahontas says:

        I know just how you feel about the eyes thing I can’t eat something that is looking at me. I ask the waiter to tell the chef to cut the head off before it is brought to my table

  29. Laura says:

    You’re children go to an annual farm day and a) cannot beliee they have a whole booth devoted to corn, corn syrup AND. the lady tells everyone how good it is for you
    b) when your 8 year old wants to set up his own booth so that he can tell kids they, too can enjoy dandelions.

  30. Marily Lentz says:

    You didn’t have to request or steal your placenta because your baby was born in your own home.

  31. Angela says:

    When your wall art is placenta prints.

  32. Sharon A. says:

    What is scoby and how is it used. I read a little bit about it, but the info was very vague did not address how it is used and for what purposes, etc.
    Thanks Sharon

  33. Cindra says:

    Your Salad consists of Chick Weed, Creasy Greens, Dandelion Greens, Bloody Dock, Wild Sorrel and Onion Grass.

  34. Christy says:

    … you beg to take home the leftover turkey carcass from big holiday dinners. (As if anyone else was gonna fight you for it…)

  35. Elisabeth says:

    …when you have to label your jars so you can tell the fermented chicken feed apart from the fermented grains you’re making for lunch tomorrow.

  36. Lynnea says:

    Your kids wonder why their friend has cancelled yet another playdate, and they ask you, “Is it because of the vaccines mummy?”

  37. Elisabeth says:

    when your preschooler plays doctor by rubbing “essential oils” onto her feet.

  38. Kim p says:

    When your 4 yo yells with joy and fist pumps the air when he learns kale chips are in the oven,
    And later marvels at the kale “rope” in the toilet from
    Inhaling (and not properly chewing) said kale chips. TMI, I know, but cracked this whole household up!

  39. Roxy says:

    ….Your kids inform their friend’s parents that they don’t eat food covered in MSG and other poisons.
    ….Your whole family regularly smells of either tea tree oil or garlic.
    ….Your 8yo regularly asks if the “medicine” is really breastmilk.
    ….You can’t remember the last time you saw a real doctor.
    ….You first instinct when you find out someone is pregnant is to ask if they’ll breastfeed. And if they aren’t planning to, proceed to tell them at least 50 reasons they should.

  40. May says:

    Your toddler starts dancing when you make home made butter, cuz he know he’s going to get those last mouthfulls of cream that mommy’s not pouring in the bowl

  41. Kayla says:

    Your 8 month old regularly poops in the potty

  42. Jodi says:

    My daughter has no clue what to do with the bottles that come with her baby dolls but regularly puts her babies under her shirt for nursey time.

    • Meg says:

      I think this is precious! When my youngest was very small, we were attending one of my husband’s company lunches. I was sitting in the wood chips, watching my older son play, and a gaggle of little girls came to see the baby. He began to fuss, and one of the sweet little girls said, “oh he wants his bottle!” and it broke my heart! Then when I went to nurse him they were all so confused!

  43. Ellen says:

    When the neighbor lady offers your 3 yr old a stick of gum and he says “can you please check it to see if it has aspertame or saccharine in it?” When your 6 yr old tells her teacher she won’t get sick if she will take her cod liver oil and echinace!

  44. Ellen says:

    echinacea! sorry lol

  45. amy says:

    When it is 9 am and three friends have called looking for alternative medical advice, your number is given out to people who need to find the good pediatrician, the pediatrician knows you as the mom who refers all the granola crunchy friends.
    Your kids are not only interested in but also filled with righteous indignation by watching Farmagedon, and it is the subject of their next report.

  46. Jenny says:

    I have ben reading this with my 10 month old granddaughter on my chest and I surprised I haven’t woke her up from laughing out loud. I have also been called a “witch doctor” & a voodoo queen. I have a voodoo lab or a swamp water lab. I have all kinds of ferments covered all over my kitchen. When people open my frig they just stare. Its full of mason jars. My milk bucket is always out. I have been introduced as an “amish, hippie, tattooed cavewoman” cave woman cause I dont like shoes. I have milked in a bikini and barn boots. The list could go on and on. High five to All Crunchy Unconventional Moms. Keep it up. We make life interesting, sometimes more than we realize!!!

  47. Rachel says:

    When people call you when they’ve seen a deer just hit on the side of the road because they know you’ll make good use of roadkill.
    When your son brings chicken noodle soup (from your urban backyard chickens!) in his thermos to school!

  48. Olivia says:

    When we snack on homemade sauerkraut for movie night!

  49. […] adventurers. The ones who “prescribe” breast milk and know your farmers by name, I have a special treat. Tradd Cotter, an expert in mushroom […]

  50. amanda says:

    oh man!! these are so awesome. im so glad to have found this site.

    when your partner & friends start buying coconut oil for everything because you have portrayed it as a cure all miracle oil.
    when you use your built in microwave as storage for fermenting yogurt or as a bread box.

  51. Rache says:

    This is one of my favorite posts. I am a new mommy and I have all these nontraditional methods of how I chose to take care of my daughter, including the birthing process. I had so many people not understand why we chose natural birth at a birthing center and why we are making our own toothpaste, laundry detergent, baby wipes, etc. We have also chosen to bring home my placenta so we can dehydrate it and make capsules. You bet some family were a little disturbed by that. Great post:)

  52. You put cashew butter in a bowl and your son says “are you making BREAD?” (We recently started GAPS)

    Your kids eat, and enjoy, sauerkraut, unsweetened yogurt, and creamed spinach.

  53. Jen says:

    When your fridge looks like a fermentation science project– and you’re happy about it!

  54. […] five to the unconventional mamas who inspired this post via these comments on the original post. There were many more that made me giggle, but this is a pretty good sampling of the overall […]

  55. Peace says:

    When you’re in the supermarket buying toilet paper,and your 3 year old sees the lollies at the front counter, grabs hold of the packet, looks at mama saying “eeeeeewwwwwww, these are yucky”.

    When your 3 year old is ‘making’ you a cup of rose, peppermint and cinnamon tea.

    When your 3 year old decides she doesn’t need to wash her hands after doing a poo in a public toilet, because the soap is all chemicals and she doesn’t want to put it on her skin – and mama says that is perfectly okay!

    When you are putting on a surprise party for your 70 year old parents, and getting the siblings to give you money so you can do all the shopping because you want to control the food being eaten by everyone there – organic, grass fed, no sugar, no gmo, fermented birthday cakes, sauerkraut…

    We’ll see how that one goes down with the mob this weekend!!!


  56. Kelli says:

    When you go to tell your grandmother what your secret ingredient for the delicious mashed sweet potatoes and she interupts you with a hand saying, “Let me guess, some kind of coconut oil?”

  57. Pamelotta says:

    This past weekend, I was at my son’s baseball tournament and while the team and parents were seated together at a restaurant eating, one of the moms told me that my son told her son that all cereals are toxic. She asked what was wrong with them and then all eyes were on me as I sheepishly explained. I got nicknamed the ‘cereal killer’ on that trip.

  58. Margo says:

    When your in public and notice your 2 yr old has an owiee and then said 2yr old says “put some momma milk (aka breastmilk) on it”!

  59. Ashley says:

    When your 2 year old screams because his sippy cup is out of “bucha” (kombucha)

    When your four year old has some friends over for a playdate and says, “do you want to see my mommy’s Mother”… And proceeds to show them your SCOBY!!!

  60. Allysia says:

    *When your 4 year old yells, “Oh mom…can we make a chip out of that….like kale chips!!”
    *After checking out your 11 year old says, “Mom? Can we make apple pie out of the apples we just bought on thursday?” (that’s our ‘fruit’ day….this week…long story)…and then your four year old starts jumping up and down in the grocery store exit doorway repeating, “gluten free apple pie…..gluten free…apple pie….gluten free…apple pie”
    *You and your daughter nearly cry seeing 20 1/2 gallons of organic grassfed milk about to expire marked down to 99c….brainstorming what to make with that much milk….”

  61. Maya says:

    1) You play educational games with your kids online and try to beat each others scores.
    2) When your son insists on making tea and playing board games before bed time
    3) When “Momma, let’s get dessert means yoghurt!”

  62. Latosha says:

    When your 2 year old asks “Is it organic?” when someone offers her fruit.

  63. Stacy says:

    When your kids have no fear of walking barefoot in the backyard that is full of chicken poop, to gather the eggs that might have said poo on them, and then to herd them into the coop.
    When your children get called hippies at school and don’t mind a bit.
    When you make moccassins for your kids instead of buying real shoes (and they are in middle school).
    When your kids ask which kind of tea they should make because they are feeling _______ .
    When you explain to your kids friends what is on the clothes line and they can’t wrap their heads around cloth diapers and TP, let alone why you aren’t using a dryer.
    When you patched your daughter’s too short jeans and added to the length in creative ways, and all the kids ask where she bought them, and she proudly states, the thrift store, but my mama fixed them up for me!
    and the list goes on…. ((thanks for sharing ladies!! And I echo many of the rest of these, too!!))

  64. Roxy says:

    When your 6 year old asks the restaurant hostess if they have gluten free menu.

  65. The MamaS says:

    –When people ask me if my 3 1/2 yr old DD’s going to our local preschool yet, and SHE chimes in and proudly says “No, I home-schooled”
    –When that same DD explains to strangers how to properly compost.
    –When we are out in public and that same DD asks why there are no recycling containers.
    –When all my DD wants for her upcoming, yet far away, 4th birthday is to milk a cow.
    –When my DD lets me know if I’ve let the Kombucha go a little too long, and happily fills up her own cup from the spigot.
    –When people ask my DD if she’s skiing this year (has been since 19months) and she says, “No, I snowboard now” (which in fact, we did buy her snowboard boots this year…)
    –When people look at me weird when I beg friends and family for any “happy animal” bones I can use to make broth.
    –When my coworkers try to sneak commercial candy to my DD, and I chew them out for it.
    –When my DD is perfectly content with the fact that she can’t have expensive toys because we are saving up to build our homestead.
    –When I pack my own grass-fed butter when we go out to eat, and even sometimes my own flaxseed oil and blackberry salad dressing.
    — When people look at you weird when you buy over 19lbs. of baking soda at the grocery store since it’s FINALLY on sale… (“what on earth do you use all that baking soda for???”– “the question should be, what DON’T I use it for??”)

    I could honestly go on forever……

  66. CamiCakes says:

    When, despite having a 1 yr old and 2 yr old running amok, you offer to prepare 4 dishes for your sister-in-law’s Thanksgiving because that’s the only way to be sure SOME food there is NOT low-fat, non-fat, artificially sweetened, or store bought. They loved my homemade stuffing (no bagged, croutons, haha!), and I started a heated argument between visitors on whether coconut oil was a healthy saturated fat, since it made my chocolate chip pumpkin bread taste amazing! The vegan apple crisp was a hit too but no one knew it was vegan… And organic. Ha!

  67. Katie says:

    so intimidating! Any links for mommies who are just starting at the very tip top beginning?

    • Heidi says:

      Don’t be intimidated! Just start where you are and do what you can. My family is still a work in progress in the health department. We make progress and then have to let some things go in different seasons of life. What are your biggest health concerns? That’s a good place to start.

  68. Ashley says:

    When you have company over and you offer food or drink… And they ask “this doesn’t have breast milk or placenta in it, does it”?
    Nah I ate that placenta weeks ago 😉

  69. Arianna Stout says:

    When one of your children has had milk from three different mamas in their eyes for various minor emergencies.

  70. erica says:

    When your 8 year old boy ask if he can have a SCOBY facial.

    When your son tells people, “oh, my mom make her own pills.”

    “Oh, thats just our water filter…”

    When you tell your grandmother your kids have never had a hot dog.

  71. Gabrielle says:

    When your three year old coughs, and then ask you to put onions in his socks and make him some ginger/peppermint/breast milk tea 😉

  72. Rebecca says:

    When you have cough syrup for the first time at a friend’s house and wonder why it tastes so bad and your friend seems to like it? That’s right…you prefer apple cider vinegar to cough syrup…

  73. Ashley says:

    Your husband opens the bathroom cabinet and says, “Now remind me, which one is the toothpaste and which one is the deodorant.” You giggle and say, “Doesn’t matter. They’re pretty much the same thing.” :)

  74. martina says:

    When your almost 3yo doesn’t know what is liquid shampoo from the bottle. But she knows that bowl of mud with rosemary EO will clean her hair.

  75. Stacy Apple says:

    When your 4 year old turns his nose up at the chips ahoy cookies & Gatorade handed out after baseball, then tells the snack mom she’s going to get everyone sick by handing out that kind of food.
    We may need to work on his delivery, but his intentions are so pure :)

  76. Julie says:

    Your kids beg for essential oils on their feet and elderberry when they’re sick, your husband asks you to “put some liver in those meatballs”, your kids (6 & under) explain to their friends that cereal is bad for you and announce at parties that food coloring is bad. Also, my kids never ask for just milk…it’s always “raw milk”.

  77. Nadia says:

    Such fun! The SCOBY one reminded me of this one: When your child answers his teacher’s question about what pets she has with – A turtle and millions and millions of little kefirs!

  78. Ashley says:

    Oh, and 1 more.. Your three year old, when left with grandma for date night, “Where did mommy and daddy go? Did they go on a diet?” – food sensitivities, GAPS :/

  79. Kirsten says:

    when your 6 year old walks around the grocery store on vacation, checks labels, and after 15 minutes exclaims: “there is so much to eat here but no food!!!”

    When your teen joins you in having home made broth for breakfast.

  80. Tracey says:

    while eating coconut milk curry my 4yo said mommy this tastes like my bum ointment (aka coconut oil)

  81. Myrna says:

    …when my 9yr old son&3yr old daughter scream from the bathroom “we are running out of toothpaste mom, bring out the coconut oil!”.

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